Through the Valley to the Foot of the Cross

The more I look at the title of this blog, the more I realize that this journey is only partly about the kiddos. This journey is about living in and for the Lord. Which is something that I struggle with. The world definitely gets in my way.

I have not been a light to my kiddos. I have been a darkness-a dark and foreboding storm in their midst. I have not been a loving teacher even remotely enough-but rather a mediator and babysitter. WHY? Because my defenses are up and I am in fight or flight mode. As my last posting revealed, I am ready to flee. But while sitting drinking my coffee and conversing with God, He reminded me of two things: He would never leave me or forsake, He is more than enough for me, and He has given me what I need to serve Him and love Him well. Okay, that was maybe 3 things...

So what does all this mean? This means I am in a valley right now, and I need to reach into my bag of tools to figure out how to climb out. One thing I need to do is lay down my burden. At the foot of the cross I lay down my anger towards the lack of resources and supplies...At the foot of the cross I lay down my anger towards no help in the classroom....At the foot of the cross I lay down my anger regarding the lack of accountability...At the foot of the cross I lay down my anger towards the misbehaviors....At the foot of the cross I lay down my anger and disappointment in those in charge of running this school...At the foot of the cross I lay down my fear of being in the classroom with certain students....At the foot of the cross I lay down my words that can be so hurtful...At the foot of the cross I lay down my thoughts that definitely are not always the nicest...At the foot of the cross I lay down my selfishness....

At the foot of the cross this tired wretch leaves these things and weeps...slowly trudging her way up and out of the valley...