I live just 1 mile from a school I never knew existed. It is a public charter school that is 100% minority students-all students are from East Africa and all are Muslim. It is a school that has been open since 2005/2006 and I interviewed there last Wednesday. The actual interview went great-I had thoughtfully composed answers, I was calm and collected and wasn't even that nervous. I have NEVER felt that way in an interview-not even with Park. And for the last week I haven't stopped thinking about Dugsi and about the opportunity to work with and learn from these kiddos in a 5th grade classroom-using some curriculum from schools I have worked with in the past. I was asked to go and have a trial run at the school (Monday, September 14) just to see how the classroom atmosphere was and if I would be able to handle it.
I went in to the classroom and was appalled by the behavior. It was unlike anything I had EVER seen in my life. The students were throwing things, hitting and pinching and tripping each other, breaking each other's things, threatening me and the other students and swearing. They refused to listen to the substitute who had NO control over the students and did not get ANYTHING done all day long.There is a new 5th grade teacher in the other class who started 2.5 weeks ago and this is her first year teaching. She hasn't given up and is giving it 3 months to see if the kiddos respond better and act more appropriately. I almost left at 11:00 because they were so awful. But then I realized that is what they are used to...this group has run off 4 teachers in the last school year-2 this year and 2 last. Alright so lets put this in perspective: the kids are dealing with abandonment issues like none other-some have seen their families murdered right in front of them-some have been taking from their parents to try and start a new life in the US. All have been left behind by their teachers because they got better offers at schools that are much less intense.
My heart broke for these kids and as I was sitting there going insane from the chaos/disorder I started picturing my classroom and what it would look like and how I would try and engage the kiddos. I started thinking about playing games and asking them to decorate the absolute bare walls and having them work together to come up with class rules. Fast forward to now...and now it is like "really Lord? This is what you want me to do...?" all the time. I prayed over and over and over and over again and agonized over the decision which had to be made. I feel as though it was so challenging to make because I knew what the decision already was and I was just trying to run away from that truth.
I went to class for the first time on Tuesday, September 15th, and while I was there I heard about all the other teachers in the class-all who were actively doing full time teaching and pursuing their masters. This gave me pause, because I felt like I had it too easy and that wasn't fair to the rest of the teachers. I know that that sounds insane-but it is true. During our 1 break I spoke with a teacher about my age who is currently teaching in a NE Minneapolis charter school. I told her about this opportunity and the children I was supposed to be working with. I told her about my concerns regarding behavior, discipline, respect, and whatnot, and asked for insight into such an environment. Though she told me it was impossibly hard to work in that school setting, she also told me that it was a very rewarding experience and a great way to grow in my skills as a teacher.
I then spoke on the phone with one of my bestest buds in the whole world for 2 hours. When we first began speaking we were both on the same page-this is too hard. But as we were speaking about the kids and their backgrounds, as we were crying together over the challenges and the battles inside and outside of the school, as we were discussing ways to handle these challenges, we both came to realize that the decision had already been made and that I needed to fight for these kiddos and love on them and support them and be in their corner (that was the longest and most poorly constructed sentence ever...sorry. lolol)
With all that being said, I went to school on Wednesday September 16th, and though I was supposed to observe that day and the rest of the week, it ended up being my first day of school. I was left to my own devices and left to learn how to wrangle these children. It was a very rough couple of days-and there was a huge part of me that wanted to run away and never look back. They were awful awful awful children. When people ask me how my day was I say it was ridiculously challenging and draining. But I also say where there was success. And though these children are mean and cruel and disrespectful and defiant and disobedient, there have already been signs of improvement. The kiddos are able to sit and participate in a lesson (no longer than 20 minutes-but hey!!!!). They also are receptive to the positive reinforcement and like earning points. They are able to line up and stand in a line for about 2 minutes the correct way (which before was a screaming pile of bodies the entire time). They sit and pay attention when we are in a circle on the floor (again-attention span of like 3 minutes-but still progress) and the stopped calling me Watermelon and are now calling me Miss Mel or Miss Melanie (they don't use/really have last names in the Somali culture...weird).
So even though I have no voice and I am exhausted beyond belief (we have to BE at school at 7 AM) I feel as though I am truly following His will. I feel like I have been called to this specific time and place for a specific reason. He wants to send me...and though I am terrified and hesitant to, I will follow.
I'll I can say is wow. You are truly a gift from God to these children. They are lucky to have you.
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