Change

I began this week with an awful and demeaning conversation with the assistant director at my school. She belittled me, talked to me as if I was a foolish child, and made me feel so small and insignificant. The funny thing is that before school that day I specifically prayed over her and the battles she was dealing with in her heart...

My heart has hurt every single day, as I have felt no respect, nor have I have been helped or supported in any way shape, manner, or form. Multiple times I came home defeated, in part because of the kids, but also because of the hatred in her voice and demeanor.

On Tuesday morning I laid our conversations and interactions before the Lord. I prayed over any words that would be spoken-that the Lord would hold my tongue and guide my words. I prayed over her heart and the anger she was dealing with. I just wanted to ignore the entire situation and focus on the kids as best as I could.

It is hard to teach in a school where a person can actually feel hatred in the atmosphere. It is hard to teach in an environment where there is no respect from the upper people-where it feels like a giant is always looming over you and will come stomping into the room, yelling at you in a booming and disrespectful voice. It is a seemingly impossibly task to work for a person who looks at you at the end of only a couple of days of teaching, saying you aren't working hard enough or putting in enough effort and that you have to earn the respect of the kids. It is ridiculously hard to do such a thing...and I admit that many times in the last 11 days I have wanted to walk away because of this. Yet, I am still there.

The assistant director was asked to leave yesterday-and the change in the entire school environment is truly unbelievable. When we were made aware of the fact that she would no longer be at the school I literally felt a huge weight lifted off my heart and my shoulders. I didn't realize I felt so threatened or stressed by her until the announcement was made and I felt so relieved. But with that relief comes guilt. I feel guilty that I feel so...happy. Today I didn't worry about going into the office. Today the teacher's actually stopped and said hello to each other in the hallway, instead of going directly into the classroom. Today no one told me I was doing a bad job. Today was a real change.

As the school adjusts to this new change, I pray that it will help the staff to become more united and more together on helping these kiddos. I pray that this change will improve the school and allow for growth among the staff and the students. But I also pray for this new change for her-a change that is devastating to the individual. I pray over her heart that is full of anger and venomous words towards so many people. I pray over her personal life and pray that through this experience she will learn the importance of treating others in a respectful and appropriate manner. And friends, I hope you will join me in prayer for this individual and the changes that are in store for the school as a whole.